Basecamp - When Nature Calls

I don’t’ think that an account of this Everest adventure would be complete without an overview of a topic which is discussed regularly in excruciating detail during nearly all mealtime conversation. Toilets.

If I could draw a graph indicating along the vertical axis “Airtime in minutes per day” and along the horizontal axis, “Days from 1 - 70”. then the graph would spike to at least 3 hours per day on several occasions (eg. Tingiri, initial days in Base Camp) and average out at about 1.5 hours per day over the total duration of the expedition thus far. My challenge in documenting this topic is to make it as ‘above board’ as possible given that I have been living in a ‘bubble’ over the past 30 days and the lines between ‘acceptable’ and ‘unacceptable’ are becoming somewhat blurred.

Toilets. The porcelain throne and all the habits of personal hygen that we so often take for granted. I think back to the many times I’ve frowned, annoyed, at the state of the toilets at work - particularly when the dispensers run out of soap, and when the lock on a stall doesn’t function properly. These gripes now feel a million miles away -- the opportunity to have a soap dispenser, a toilet with water or even a door for that matter would be a luxury. Hell, toilet paper that doesn’t resemble the crepe paper used to make steamers at a 5-year old’s birthday party would be sheer luxury.

Tingiri

I’ve mentioned in passing the toilets in Tingiri. It was a significant turning point for the team because it was probably one of the first times we had to let go of our inhibitions. The Tingiri toilets consisted of two old wooden doors, saloon-style, side by side, about waist height. You could enter with a swagger straight out of the Wild West. Opening the door (or peering over the top) revealed a dirt floor with two holes about 2-feet apart. If brave enough to look down the “long drop” below, little is left to the imagination. The only advantage to he entire set up was a morbid sort of peace of mind -‘concrete evidence’ (perhaps not the best expression) that everyone else in the team had the same stomach issues. What made Tingiri so disturbing however was that the long drop was used as a playground for some of the village dogs.

It took a few Tingiri Toilet Pioneers to provide those following in their footsteps with the appropriate instructions. Toilet paper, soap, disinfectant are all “BYO” and definitely not optional as well as tips on the ‘perfect stance‘. As it was early in the trip, the concept of ‘aim and fire’ for some members who remain unnamed, appears to be a developing skill and a skill not interdependent to high altitude mountaineering. To protect ones modesty and ‘warn’ oncoming users of the toilet was occupied a melody of singing, coughing, whistling and gagging is recommended. Its also not recommended to look down or breathe in… or touch anything.

The Tingiri Toilet was a grim place and not for the faint of heart.

Base Camp

In comparison, the toilets at Base Camp are 5-star with a few minor glitches. It’s not a wonder that many of us reacted with tears of happiness to find the tented private thrones, complete with toilet paper and a spectacular view of Everest after the trauma at Tingiri.

There are 2 green toilet tents which stand side by side. The ‘door’ consists of an extremely temperamental, ice-cold metal zipper which is in constant need of repair due to the beating it gets from the wind - generally stuck ‘in the middle‘ leaving a gaping hole both above and below and providing he patron with a full view of the camp…. And the camp with a full view of the patron.

Inside of the toilet tent is a blue barrel, about knee height, ceremoniously toped with a circular plastic toilet seat. The topic of a considerable amount of debate (and much confusion) has been why the ’toilet’ is in the very ‘front’ section of the toilet tent, leaving about 2-feet of unused prime real estate at the back - an area which has since been used to throw discarded toilet paper rolls. This means that for the 90% of the team with long legs, the patron is left to sit on the throne with feet and knees protruding through the zippered entrance.

An architectural problem also exists with this set-up such that one of the main structural cold, aluminium poles is in the middle of the entrance, meaning that you have to ‘straddle’ it with your knees. A particularly uncomfortable position when the temperature drops below freezing and frostbite is imminent. Another structural problem is the short proximity between the toilet and the zipper. When the patron is left to zip-up and zip-down the entrance, his/her nose is effectively pressed against the cold zipper teeth.

Toilet Tent rules have been established:

1. “Number Two’s Only”
2. Always bring your own toilet paper

3. Avoid the toilet tent during periods of peak sunlight and heat - primarily between 11am - 2pm when temperatures soar to 36 degrees and the toilet becomes a festering sauna.

4. Avoid the tent during high winds
5. Avoid when ‘spires’ form and the change of barrel is past due
6. Avoid after certain team members (who shall remain nameless)


Advanced Base Camp

Given that ABC is the highest base camp in the world, the lengths taken to ensure comfort when nature calls are quite commendable. The main design of the toilet tents are all that can be criticized as one can not expect anything more than a hole in the ground at this altitude. With the wind rushing down the North Col as if driven by a jet propelled engine it’s no wonder that most early morning trips to the loo reveal a pile of blue tarp and mixed with aluminium rods looking as if it had fallen from the sky like a scene from the Wizard of Oz.

Few Everest experiences could be more disturbing than to be in the toilet tent during the time of collapse. The pit is an abyss one wouldn’t want to fall into.

Higher Up
It’s worth noting that this entry is speculative and based only on the imaginations of 20 bored, acclimatising climbers with vivid imaginations. Our next camp after ABC is just over 7000m where toilet tents are but a distant memory. A gaping blue cravasse bordered by two flat stones provides the ’positioning’ for a journey to the centre of the earth. An experience not for the faint of heart. Higher up it’s every man for himself which has prompted several nervous (or wise?!) souls to resort to Imodium flavoured boil in a bag meals.

Whatever we discover, it will, undoubtedly continue to be the subject of much discussion and debate. Ultimately however, we will have much greater things to worry about.